Cyrael's Poetry
Message of Insanity
The stars in the heavens
Are just lights in the sky
If anyone said they loved me
I'd have to ask them why
But I know the one I love
And I'll find her someday soon
Throw back my head and laugh
Howl madly at the moon
Yes, I know I'm going crazy
Insane my way of life
And these laws, they all offend me
Cause in me war and strife
But I'm a crazy bastard
My personalities all the same
And I love her, but if she ends up dead
Me? I'm not to blame.
Bitch
The blackness of night is nothing
When compared to her ice-cold heart
And time goes on without reason
As her lips part to bring forth the kiss of death
Clouds cover the sun in panoramic distortions
As she leans closer and stars explode
But still I love her as time fades to the past
And hell grows ice cold in her chilling embrace
I'd give it all to hear her voice
Like the mythological sirens
She lures her prey to the chains of bondage
Which are only as tough as you perceive them
She cares nothing for the petty lives of men
Only in satisfying herself and her insatiable hungers
And the way she stares, bores through
And robs you of your soul
Which she indiscriminately discards in the trash
Like so many others preceding
She knows not of love or kindness
And virtue is not a word she speaks
But still I love her
And I and doomed like the rest
For her beauty is unsurpast
By any other mortal
And the thousand souls
Whose broken hearts she crushed
Lamented their deadly wail
In the silence of eternity
Where all will not be forgotten
And minutes past will bring the future
This told shall not save me
For I still am damned
To live my life as one of a thousand
Broken souls
Forever screaming
In the silence of eternity
Depth of Madness
I sit
And cannot fathom
The depth of madness
In which I've plummeted
The nausiating quickness
Loss of breath
Invalidity of reason
Thoughts perversely twisted
Demented dreams
Perverted screams
Stiffled under my pillow
Heartfelt sorrows from deep
Inside my soul
Rotting away from within
Maniacal smile plastered to
My age-lined face
As I sit here
And cannot fathom
This incredible magnitude
Of madness in which I've
Sunk
Unbroken dreams
Dreams unbroken in the silence of tomorrow
As I scream out worthless obsenities
And hurl unspoken thoughts
At my aggressors and wish
That for one single instant
My dreams could be real
And someone was here to listen to my thoughts
But my actions are unseen
And no one cares in this world of sorrow
Feelings denied and tears staining my pillow
At night when there's not a soul to hear me cry
And her name pours from my lips
Like a bottle of vintage wine
As I lay here tears staining my pillow
Ashes falling to the floor
From my cigarette unsmoked
Dreaming of tomorrow and remembering yesterday
Remembrance
The days grow long
And the shadows of the oak trees
Extend well beyond my window
The clouds obscure the sun
As I sit on my porch
In the multicolored lawn chair
Staring at the grass
Shining in the morning dew
And I wonder about childhood
When life was so fucking simple
When the only times you knew were
Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime
And you played all day with your friends
At their house or in the park
And no need to fear strangers
For you knew everyone in your neighborhood
And you'd stay out long after dark
Catching fireflies or roasting marshmallows
And the only bills you've seen
Go to your school
And you thought life would be simpler
When you grew up
When you'd already know how to ride a bike
And math and spelling would come easy
But as I sit here
And watch the dew rapidly melt
In the morning sun
I wish I could go back
To those days in my childhood
When I had scrapes on my knees
And a broken arm from falling
Out of my neighbors tree
The day after the day after she left me
A penny for your thoughts
Are you thinking of me?
I miss you so much
See the pain brought
Pain I can't bear
To feel any longer
Pain not to feel your touch
Or hear your voice
You used me
But I don't mind
Use me again
Used, I was happy
I at least had a friend
Now I have nothing
Tears come quickly
Flow freely like your hair
Fluttering in the breeze
Blue eyes sparkling
Shining in the sun
A penny for your thoughts
Are you thinking of me?
I miss you so much
Are you thinking of me?
I'm thinking of you.
My life for thee
I suffer the evening ritual
Distress call from you
Laid out on this alter
This beggars life is through
Behind the mask of reality
The simple man sees sin
Before the rituals over
And the chanting to begin
I don't know why you love me
Hanging dead now you are free
Comprehending all your sorrows
So I give my life for thee
The blade draws blood tonight
Most ghastly putrid gash
My life flows from my throat
Colors seem to clash
I don't know why you love me
Hanging dead now you are free
Comprehending all your sorrows
So I give my life for thee
And so I give my life to thee
Help me!
Pummeled down from the heights of ecstasy
To fill the darkened caverns of my mind
Reaching out to touch the moonbeams
And never knowing what I'll find
Sinking into depths of madness
Fits of rage I cannot hide
Terror, blood and schitzophrenia
Locked within an ageless mind
Now the time has come for freedom
Lock the doors and keep them barred
Isolated from my fears and sorrows
Stop the anger that leaves me scarred
After you
Conquered
My fears to be
Run
No hope for escape
Hide
No chance for staying alive
Die
Now you must die
Hope
Chance for escape
Hide
Survival a must
Release
Run and be free
Terror
Running after me
I am after you
I am after you
Rest
Closer he runs
Near
Oh, god, so near
Freedom
Cleansed from all fear
Death
Coming after me
I am after you
I am after you
Last act of a confused teenager
Cannot stand this world any longer
Pain, anger, frustration what I feel
Long for the cool peace of death
All this could end so quickly without pain
Load a round into the chamber
Hear it click
Smile as I sit here in agony
Spin the chamber watch it go round
Feel very calm now what I have to do
Place the gun under my chin
Wish I could be happy
Smile one last time
Going crazy but I think I'll be ok
Pull the trigger
Jerk
As my brain leaves my head
In the hands of the wicked
No one cares in this world anymore
And I am the cause of their sorrow
In my hands I hold poverty
In my pocket I carry disease
I can hear the people cry
They want freedom from responsibility
So I bring them death
And death is good
But they cannot bear the famine I spread
My rats run rampant
Through streets and in homes
The plague I've brought
Sickness and mass despair
And I live the sound
Of their dying screams
Their rotting corpses
Decaying in their beds
Sheets to their chins as
They ward off the demons that plague them
But to no avail
For they die anyway
And I am pleased
A lesson of society: Or, don't fly if you can't land
Plummeting deep
Down into a madness
That resides
Dark
In the twisted
Labyrynth of my soul
Cannot fathom the
Inexplicable shallowness
Todays society offers with
Open arms
Like a vulture diving at
His next meal
Then realizing he doesn't yet know how to land
Feet tucked up
Feathers awry
Diving from a
Nauseating height
To try to steal the
Remains of anothers
Meal
Torture, Rape, and Murder
Diseased flesh envelopes a rotting mind
A dark and twisted soul is all I find
I run from the demon that resides within
Satan laughs as he tallies up my sins
Evil morbid thoughts run through my brain
Through dreams leviathan ensures that I'm insane
In my head I dwell in hells great fire
Of torture rape and murder I never tire
Kill
Inherit the earth
Kill them
I must please my master
Kill them all
The beast never allows my hunger to be sated
Only when the blade plunges in I'm elated
Sawing through muscle bone and gristle
Tear my way to salvation while I whistle
The blood of a thousand stains wrist and hand
Can no one else see the shadow creep across the land?
My master makes demands and obey them I must
But each time I kill I'm consumed by more lust
Society is fucked
I hate you for what you have made of me
Twisted my mind to thoughts unpure
For serving me with your filthy lies
Your total lack of emotion
Your apathy and dejection
You made me what I am
You made me hate you
Calling me freak without ever considering
There might be feelings locked inside this blackened heart
Just because I'm not like you ...
A child's perspective on siblings
My mother always told me
To take out the trash
So I don't know why she complained
When my sister turned up missing
My father always told me
Make sure and walk the dog
So I don't know why he was mad
When I came home with my sister on a leash
My sister always told me
She wanted to look up to me
So I don't know why she cried
When I knocked her down
I guess I'm just a mean person
Unmarked grave
The dead copulate beneath the stormy skies
If only you could view the private hell within my eyes
Any trace of humanity has long since been torn away
From the mud and rotting flesh where maggots stay
My chest is open twisted black heart revealed
Along with cuts and bruises around areas where skin has peeled
Can't remember my name but the future is clear
I lay in this hole with dead eyes and can no longer hear
Rotting flesh
Betrayal
Killed by your hand
Dead eyes
Becoming
One with the land
A thin layer of putrid leaves covers this empty shell
Beat long past death and buried where I fell
Desecrated and battered beyond all recognition
Carry my soul on my back as I seek perdition
Suicide
Slide the chamber out
Push the bullet in
Get ready to play the game
And create your greatest sin
Cock the hammer back
See the metal shine
Put the barrel in your mouth
Blow your head right off your spine
Suicide
Gonna kill yourself tonight
Suicide
Can't make you see the light
Suicide
You always think that you are right
Now blood is flowing freely
Splattered on the wall
Great big hole inside your head
Now downward you must fall
Early today I found you
Lying in that great red pool
The note you left makes it seem so great
But I think you're such a fool
Suicide
Gone and killed yourself alright
Suicide
Couldn't make you see the light
Suicide
You always thought that you were right
Love I Lost
Love I lost
So bitter inside
Feel I might
Never love again
Two years gone by
Still the picture
In my heart
Forever clear
Love we shared
Need to hold her
Close once more
Never again
I'll let go
On the outside
Happy and carefree
Inside loneliness
And despair
Alone I
Wonder if she
loves me
Wonder...
Forever
Left me last night
Wish you were still here
By my side
To hold
To love
Never should have said goodbye
Enveloped in warmth
Laughter and cheer
Now only a memory
The pain
Forever held in my heart
Come back to me
Be mine
Say that you love me
Tell me you care
But now you're gone for eternity
Then I wake up
Sweating
From the depths
Of a dream that
Haunts me
But still you lay
Next to me
Sleeping
In the cool darkness
Stillness
Hope you'll never say
Goodbye
The depth of our love
So understanding
Joined
The essence of our souls
One person
Two bodies
Forever
Undescribable Silence Permeates the Air
I walk the shadows
Hung under the
Abyss of the oak tree
And except for the wind
Rustling
Silence dominates the air
I scream loudly
Trying to break that
Silence
But to no avail
For when I finish
The dreadful silence is even
Greater than before
I strive for a companion
But there is nobody to hear my
Musings
And I scream again
But still
The only sound
Is of the wind
Moving through the trees
Like a freight train
In a tunnel
Dream Slave
I am you but I am better
I piss my pants but you're the wetter
In looks I'd say I'm just like you
You go barefoot but I have shoes
Deep inside where feelings grow
You try to hide but I run your show
You move fast but I am faster
I'm the one that you call Master
Shotgun blasts, a faroff cry
Pull the trigger when I say die
Twisting falling faster still
Spinning round bent to my will
You're my dream slave and I'm your master
Listen to me I lead to disaster
Tell me what you want to do
You can't 'cause I control you
All you see while looking around
The ropes by which your body's bound
Hold you under so you can't breathe
Was it all a dream?
As the World Turns to Chaos
Falling
Deep into that dark world
Of schizophrenia
Twisting around perverted schemes
Hypocritical government churning
The waste of mankind
Into that deep well of
Freedom
Disappearing forever into
The oblivion of yesterday
Travesties abound in large quantities
Nausiating sickness covers the
World, shrouded in a dark evil
Not unlike a demon swallowing
The innocent virgin.
Bed Ridden
I stare at the TV
But there's nothing to see
I listen to the radio
But there's nothing to hear
I smoke my Djarum
But there's not a taste in my mouth
And I can't smell the insence burning
I try to speak but I can't make a sound
And a feeble sigh escapes from my lips
But the world around me
Moves on still through the day
And in my coma I cannot comprehend
So I give over my life
And relinquish control
But my day will soon come
And in my mind I smoke another cigarette
Longing to see the light of the sun
And to hear the radio once more
Lonely Cell
As I sit in this lonely cell
I clearly remember my times in hell
Of times unspoken and silent screams
Twisted thoughts and perverse dreams
I sit here silent and reminisce
All those times I felt your kiss
These last three months I've heard what you said
And never complained of bad times in bed
With hook in mouth you reeled me in
With my list of complaints I could only begin
You used and abused, and then tried to lose me
You must realize by now that love doesn't come free
Alone
Alone
Empty heart
I desperately call out her name
But she's gone
I can't have her
And can't bring myself
To move on
Dwell on the past
I loved her
Loved with heart, mind and soul
Body numb
Can't feel the pain
Grief (she left!)
Denial of my feelings
Wasting away
Eaten from the inside out
Truth gnaws at my heart
Then I cry myself to sleep
At night
Emptiness fills me
And I'm out of touch
With the outside world
No food for so long
Seems a month or more
Cannot think of anything
But her face
Soft
Warm
Eyes of blue
Look at me
See into my soul
Golden hair long
Beautiful
Gone
Thoughts of You
The stars are just reflections
Of your eyes
Glowing in the pale moonlight
Silk, a copy of your skin
Gold is worth nothing
When compared to your smile
The thought of your touch
Is priceless
And makes me quiver
Deep inside
Beautiful Princess, Etched on my Heart
My love is deeper than the river Hades
Stretches farther than the night sky
It burns brighter than a candle at midnight
Or fireworks on the fourth of July
A picture, etched on my heart
A flame burning brightly
I have but one eternal thought
And dreams of you come nightly
You're always on my mind
Never a thought that's not of you
And if I should lose your love
My heart would break in two
For you're the one I love
A fairytale princess out of a dream
With a big warm smile and puppydog brown eyes
And silky skin that seems to gleam
Like a drug you affect my mind
Like religion you cleanse my soul
I want to take you in my arms
And never let you go
Seasons of Beauty in an Abyss of Eternal Solitude
Beautiful as the autumn leaves
Gentle as summer rain
And every time I see her face
She alleviates all my pain
And still she breathes in the spring twilight
With her I could not bear
To speak of sinful things
The essence of her beauty
Is of angelic wings
And still she breathes on in the summer breeze
With her I feel safe
From things that might be
And her face dominates
Everything that I see
And still she breathes on in the autumn stillness
And now you know my feelings
That I've kept locked inside
But everytime I've not shown you
A part of me has died
And still she breathes on in the winter darkness
Pansy in a Powder Blue Tempo
Virgin by choice
Is not in his vocabulary as he drives
But girls don't enter his domain
Maybe they think he's overweight
Or ugly
Or maybe they know he's a pansy
But he's never had it and he tells me
It's not something to be proud of
Like his powder blue Ford Tempo
Which is being fixed every other week
Like his mind it breaks down
At the slightest rejection
And doesn't know of petty things
Such as love or hopes and dreams
Or conquered fears as he fears commitment
I Love You
A rose so delicate
Your touch so real
I cannot mask
These things I feel
These thoughts they echo
Inside my brain
Return my love
You drive me insane
I worship your beauty
Admire your charm
I'll make you happy
And keep you from harm
Of all these words
They all are true
Only one thing left
I love you
Miserable Existence
I woke up this morning
And got dressed
But then I thought
Hell, what's the point?
This world is so dull
Black and white
When it should be in color
And I don't know why we live
Out our miserable existences
But for now I will
Just go back to bed
New car and a pack of cigs
I bought a new car last week
It's a rotted out piece of junk
I spent all of my money to buy it
Now I'm broke but I don't care
For it's the very best piece of junk
And it's mine, you see?
Paid for in sweat for the labor
I perform at my job
And once in a while I come in
Between cigarette breaks
And even rarer still
I make a cheeseburger
Or an occasional tray of meat
Then I punch out
And go home satisfied of a days work done
And the empty cigarette packs litter the parking lot
In the empty space where my new car sat while I worked
Ropes
[Not my work, but a friend of mine wrote this, and I like it]
Ropes then slash across my chest
I scream for more but not the second best
Wanting more, the ropes and things
'Tis a pity what the future brings
Ha! I laugh, and then I cry
Will this be our last goodbye?
What can I do, what can be done?
Staring through peepholes eclipsed by the sun
Seeing the World as a tangled mess
I remember the reason, but forget the rest
Freedom in Hell
I went to this place
This place I know well
They have a name for this place
This place is called Hell
In hell there's freedom
Freedom from giving
There's freedom from laughter
And freedom from living
So I went to this place
And I don't want to go home
I'd rather just sit here
By myself, all alone
Complex Love Poem
I found the one I love
But she doesn't acknowledge my existence
As a deer will keep drinking
When it sees a man and knows
Hunting season is over
But I get the shivers when I pass her
Hoping she will say hi or even smile
But she doesn't and I go on dreaming
About her smooth skin, her long silky hair
And I never realize she
Feels the same about me
Soul Space
Floating around the streams of conciousness
Within a mind writhing in a maelstrom
Of thought and dream and dark space
But which makes me feel at peace
Someday I may escape this place
Teeming with frustration, despair
Away from the lonliness I call home
But it will break me
To come out of my shell spells disaster
An isolation I've grown to depend on
To wrap myself for comfort and protection
And keep me safe from myself
Decent
I dwell in this pit
I'm doing so well
As well as I can be
I have all my needs
My wants and fears
My everything
But this empty hole
That can't seem to be
Filled with anything
I patch it up
It brings me down
Crumbling, decay
It feeds from within
Consumes me slowly
Won't stop feeding
There must be something
Out there that will
Help stop the suffering
Keep searching for answers
Never to be found
Wallowing darkness roars
This empty shell
Sinew and bone
Without meaning
Emptiness fills me
Peace not an option
Slowly I learn my hell
At what price?
The void within fills with tangled dreams
Thoughts unfolding upon the way to nowhere
Keep them locked else they cause harm
Millions of colliding voices heard
Echoing through internal recesses
Demanding to be let out at once
Visions of our past and future
Seem to share a common thread
Links to humanity all but shattered
Freedom tasted is a welcome sign
The path goes round again
We struggle with our bonds together
But at what price?
Memories
I've searched the labyrinths of my mind
Never knowing what lies in sleep
I've sought answers to my questions
Without ever probing too deep
For answers that are buried
Are sometimes painful to recall
And feelings are sometimes something
I'd not think of at all
When my thoughts are freely wandering
And I don't focus on the past
I can be carefree
And be myself at last
Perspective of Humanity
A timeless suffering
Souls cry in frustration
And no one hears them call
Always ignoring the pleas
Freedom on the brink
Of mass extinction
Martyrs all lament the word
They died without meaning
Suffering until sorrow
Tears make extinct
No one remembers their pain
Any longer than needed
Survival is paramount
Perpetuation of species
Only reason to survive
Mindless reason circumspect
Intelligence not an option
Humanity is such as this
The Healing
Spent some time in my head
Wandering down those old roads
Once more in the dark, stumbling
Felt those around me
Their malice and discontent
Evaded everyone I've ever loved
In running from myself
A vortex of emotion runs through
Need to leave it all behind
Waves of emotion crest and recede
Anguish fades with time
Golden orb rising over the horizon
Day begins anew, fresh like rain
A cool breeze rustles my hair
And I blink in the rising dawn
Daylight coming fast, am I ready?
Shadow behind as I follow new paths
Maybe I'll be ok
A Million Voices Bland
Dark rivers torrent through empty valleys
Devoid of beckoning shadow, life is still
Bare treetops sway lightly in a silent wind
The emptiness of the soul fresh from the kill
Distant tortuous screams arise from nowhere
Pounding across the bitter darkened land
Escaping to another true false reality
Hypocriscy making the million voices bland
This is what we have come to expect
Learning to live
They scream thoughts at me from nowhere
Barbaric voices filter through my soul
A twisted, darkened mind in which I dwell
This empty landscape that I call home
Barren, dark and desolate it may be;
I am growing comfortable here
Numb the emotions that try to seep through
Kill the visions before they can start
Adapt to this frightening maze of thought
Learn to deal with the constant anguish
Of a tortured soul screaming for mercy;
I've come to terms with myself
Struggling for breath in a fetid tomb
Gasping for a return of self comprehension
Stiffled in attempts to break free at last
They pull me down again, hold me close
No one can hear the muffled screams;
I've done what was needed to survive
Connections
Fingertips brush across soft skin
Eyes that penetrate deep
That perfect isolation
Where two people are the only in existence
Time stops and starts with my pulse
As she watches me
The gentle brush of hands
Reminding me I'm still alive
Embrace
Wrapped in the warmth of her embrace
She stares at me with a little smile
I drift away floating feeling fuzzy
And she brings me back with a kiss
My heart skips a beat and I tremble
The thought makes me forget to breathe
When she touches me I lose myself
In that space in which we exist
Bound to Flesh
Forgotten spasms in the past of unconsciousness
Roaring thunder of thought collides within
Breath is lost with uneasy emotion quelled
The victors' price is not easily paid
Chains that bind me to my oblivion
Thrown against the rack that is my mind
Tethered there for fear of unseen freedom
Always sought the answers hidden deep
I rise within to unlock the cage
Key twists but never unlocks the door
I've made motions to venture out of myself
But the wall I've built cracks and nothing else
I had hopes to find the future waiting
But when I look it's all slipping past
I breathe but do not live a life to speak
Bound to this flesh but never feeling
Struggle for Control
Spiraling down, loss of self
Stripped of human existence
Base animal desires captivate
Locked on autopilot, never thinking
Thoughts blurred beyond comprehension
Swirling colors in my mind
Impose my will to bring control
Push against the maelstrom of thought
Higher thinking leaks back into being
An Ocean of Insanity
A moral dilemma, views eschewed
Changing topics to avoid reason
Madness; decay and degradation
To lose oneself in minute degrees
Blind to the cause of pain
Overlooked and ignored; frustration
Mental pathways slide into an ocean
Of insanity, frothing and churning
An attempt to swim has failed so
Struggle for breath as darkness pulls
Treading water may save some minutes
But soon the muscles tire, sink deep
Drifting downward into the sea of
Oblivion, chaos, and inhuman hunger
Feel the pull as resentment builds
As resentment turns to self loathing
Lost
Never had the chance to get to know you
Pain within my eyes, the way I feel
A sadness seems to brush me away and
I'll never know if what we had was real
Tomorrows just another day of healing
Even though there'll never be regret
I'll cherish memories of you always
Our times together I'll not forget
Burden of Consciousness
Look deep into these eyes and see what's contained
Tell me of the pain you see inside
Of past struggles and future insecurities
Hopes and dreams lay smashed
Cluttered around an empty soul
If I had the chance to take back this empty life
Wrapped in sorrows manifested by broken promises
I'd go on still in the darkness
Determined to find my way back to myself
To heal and move on with never a backward glance
But life is never that easy so the march continues
On and onward feet dredge through soot and mud
Dragging heavily with the burden of consciousness
Chains dragging behind denying freedom
Tell me of the pain you see inside when
You look deep into these eyes and see what's contained
The Mask
World of empty hearts feels my sorrow
Decade of broken dreams hears my cry
I've been trying to find myself in the shadows
Lost without even knowing why
To every brilliant future there is a past
Painful and twisted and broken down
To rise above it and persevere takes courage
While to live on day to day requires guts
Pain put behind me, looking forward
I can seem carefree while I self reflect
Images and facade never crumbling
While inside, self destruction occurs
This mask I wear seems almost normal
Hiding the feelings locked within
Pushing evermore for balance broken
Smooth the lines upon my face
A Better Life
One sweet moment and it was swept away
Cascade like an avalanche then it's gone
Pushed behind me as I stagger along the path
One moment, one memory, brushed aside
I used to think a great deal inside my head
Thoughts running circles around me
Moments and happenings passing by my door
I used to know what I was looking for
So easy to forget that which is important
Lies replace the thing I have become
As much as you can try to find the way out
False philosophy hides the door
One day I will become myself and flourish
Finding solace between dreams of a better life
A better life...
Rotting from within
Pitch black heart oozing life
Destructive past overcome
Bound deep in a sinkhole
Struggling to breath
Just to survive
I pull my head above the quicksand
That quickly tries to take my life
Writhing and turning to free myself
Breathing is such sweet ecstacy
One last breath
My head's pushed under
I cannot feel my limbs
Ripped asunder and spun about
Torn from the inside
Breath gone, expired
The Question
I walk the line, dreading nothing
Expecting everything, I fall
I try too hard to be myself
I need to be everything to me
Hostile thoughts crowd my mind
As I try to find the one inside
Nothing can feel this bad
Ever within darkness falling
Giving promises I cannot keep
Inside my mind I must not comprehend
Falling further down the spiral
Into a despair I cannot escape
I want to be everything to everyone
But I cannot be me, to myself
What good can it do to make promises?
If I don't even know who I am?
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All contents of this page (c) Chris Stevenson 1992 – 2009, unless noted.
